Don't Say "No" To Me!

... <-- That moment of silence is me, acknowledging all of you who are thinking (or saying aloud) something to the effect of "it's about time!"

Seriously, job hunting has got to be among the top five demeaning things a US citizen can engage in. Am I wrong!? First, you spend hours, figuring out what to write about yourself. Dictionary, Thesaurus, Google, you name it, you're using it. Ultimately, you come up with a masterfully crafted document which [you believe] will pretty much have the reader of said document thinking to themselves (or saying aloud) "this person is the sh*t!"

After exalting yourself on paper to all but the status of a god, you're likely feeling rather good about yourself. Now it's time to decide which organization is worthy of your consideration.

Then the fun begins! You dress in your best clothing, and carry your masterfully crafted document into a room of strangers whose sole objective is to accentuate your flaws. And let me tell you, if these folks were using a flaw-highlighter, I would be glowing in the dark after about 45 seconds.

Needless to say, you often leave those strangers feeling considerably less god-like. You gave your best, and it still wasn't good enough...ouch! Then the less god-like feeling begins to transform into resentment:

You: How dare they judge me!? I can do all three of their jobs with my eyes closed!
Voice of Reason: It's their job to make you feel like you are inadequate. That way, you won't be offended in the event you actually receive their pathetic excuse for an offer.

Suddenly, the 150 other listings on Dice.com are no longer relevant, and it's this one particular position that you have dreamed of your entire life and can't live without. They have free benefits, after all!

Then the phone rings...you answer. "This is Adrian...oh, ok...thank you for your consideration." Yes, you just thanked someone for rejecting you. So much for being the sh*t.